Test Drive?

Imagine going to a car lot for your dream car. Now know that this car is going to be the last car you buy for the rest of your life. No swapping, no change out, this is it...

You've already done all of your research, checked consumer reports, checked the car buying guide, now you're actually going to the lot for the up close and personal view. You're so excited as you leave your house... you get to the lot and see the car. It's your favorite color with all of the accessories that you want, the tires and rims are blingin' and it just seems to have a command presence in the car lot.

So you walk up to the car and peek into the window and the controls are modern with the italian leather... mmmmmmm... so you open the door and can smell the new car smell. You climb into the driver's seat and sink into the leather... whew, this was everything that you thought it was going to be. You look around knowing that this is going to be your last car purchase for the rest of your life...

Wow, the final step... the test drive. All of your senses have been tickled and now you want to go for the ultimate thrill, the all-important test drive... so you reach for the key and it's not there. You go back to the sales person and say you want to go for a test drive, but the salesperson said that the keys are locked in the vault and you are not permitted to drive the car until you sign on the dotted line of the contract... So you're thinking, "you want me to buy this car and not take it for a spin?" What if I doni't like the acceleration? What if the cornering isn't what I read in my research? What if... what if... what if???

I think back to the stories of when my mom and dad were courting and their dates and chapperoned outtings and how "lines" were not crossed until they were married. No test drives, no getting milk from a cow that wasn't yours, no "hanky panky" until after the nuptuals... but my how society changes ones perspective. As we are bombarded with media that tells us, it's okay to try before you buy, and coming up with every excuse in the world to convince you that it is necessary... what if you're not compatible? what if they can't throw down between the sheets? what if it's too big, too small, too tight, too wide, too dry, too wet... geeze... if "if" were a 5th we'd all be drunk!

Where do we get off thinking that it is necessary to have to sex 'em before we wed 'em? What is the real priority in the relationship? Now granted, sex is an important aspect in the marriage, so I am not diminishing that fact, but what ever happened to true courting? What happened to getting to know someone based on their values and personality and communication skills? When did we make this shift where if they aren't getting down, then they aren't even on the radar?

I have one word... desparation

As the availability of men declines, there appears to be is a decline in morality. More than ever before, people are "doing what it takes" to get and keep their partners. Wait?!?!?!? Doing what it takes?

"Well he said he was going to leave if he didn't get 'some.'"
"I've got to do what it takes to keep my man!"
"What? You've been out 5 times and haven't slept with him/her yet?"
"Bro, I'm hittin' that tonight..."

All I can really do is shake my head. Because of our lack of self control, we succomb to our body's desires? What every happened to "good things come to those who wait?" Ohhhhh, you've been single for too long and you don't want to miss your chance? So you're doing what it takes... what a bad idea! And the fact that you impose those demands on your partner... that can be a challenge.

Look, the bottom line is that sex should not be a pre-requisite for a wedding ring. There should not be pressure on a person to have to be tested in the bedroom prior to commiting to a lifetime together. Well... maybe a stamina test for the honeymoon (smiling)... Again, I'm certainly not diminishing the importance of sex in a marriage... after you get married, communicate and come to an understanding about likes, dislikes, whips, chains, ceiling fans, swings - (burn the flannel - hahahaha). I am suggesting that until you get to the covent part of your relationship... wait! No one should ever marry because the sex is good! And if you do, that is a separate conversation. But begin your relationship by practicing restraint and setting up parameters. Yes, this can be hard after you've waken up some areas of your body that seem to not have an "off" switch, but your reward will be far greater by following the commands given to us by the Father.

For those of you who have crossed lines and feel - "What now?" Have a conversation with your partner and discuss where you are and where you desire to be... put in some parameters to help you meet those goals and start your new path. Remember in the great words of Smokey Bear... "Only you can prevent forest fires." ~SM~

Getting Started

Hello World... My name is Stephen and I start my blog tomorrow. I've always wanted to blog, but just never got to it... so here goes. First a little about me... I'm 35, single, no children (but great nieces and nephews) live in Tucson, Arizona. I graduated from Clark Atlanta University with a degree in Music Performance. I'm sure over the course of this journey I'll share more about my life, family and other things that contribute to my opinions. I have a lot to say and hopefully day by day I'll get a lot of it said.

I am very involved in my local church and I'll share more on that later. I am a Kingdom Citizen and I strive daily to live my life in a way that exemplifies my beliefs.

I chose the title "No Grey Area" because fundamentally I believe that things are either right or wrong... black and white... hence the color of my blog... but due to our life experiences, environmental influences, family upbringing... it shades our perspectives. So my goal is to give a balanced perspective.

Please feel free to comment on my blogs and give feed back. Although very opinionated, I do like healthy discussion and debate... In general I usually put out a question on Facebook and my friends comment on it and I usually do too, but I think this will give me the platform to expound on my thoughts in a non-restrictive way... so tomorrow starts day one.