Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell

Today while running some errands, I happened to be listening to NPR radio and they were talking about the repeal of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. For those of you who don’t know about this policy, you can find a comprehensive explanation here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_ask,_don't_tell For the Reader’s Digest version: This policy restricts the United States military from efforts to discover or reveal closeted homosexual or bisexual service members or applicants, while barring those who are openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual from military service.

First let me say that I’ve never ever been in the military, although I enjoyed 4 wonderful years in high school JROTC. I am sure that there are credible arguments on both side of this issue and the majority of those discussions I cannot intelligently participate in (at this point). However, I do want to address a comment by a caller on the radio program that I heard today when they compared the struggle for homosexual people to that of blacks during Jim Crow days.

I am an African American male. There is no getting around that. There is no way that I can debate that… ancestry, maybe, but the fact that I am black is indisputable. I do not have a choice in the matter and unless I go through a painful bleaching process, I will always be this way until I’m caught up! (smiles) I don’t think that the same can be said for homosexuals. I have heard discussions/arguments on wiring in the brain and how people have tendencies that cannot be reversed, but to me, in my limited sphere of understanding, homosexuality seems like a choice. If someone wants to be “in the closet” they can choose to let people know whether or not their preference is for the same sex. In a business meeting, barrack or locker room, when looking at me and interacting with me you will know I am black and there is nothing I can do about that. The same cannot be said for a homosexual… they can “choose” to inform whomever they want about orientation and alter their preference if they decide to. Not the same for me.

Please do not get me wrong. Well, first let me clarify. I do not condone homosexual behavior. I think it is unnatural and behaviorally and morally repugnant. I think there is a misfire in the brain somewhere and just because society makes a shift doesn’t all-of-a-sudden make it right. To me it is like saying, stealing is wrong, but because of our financial woes, we find reasons to justify the behavior and because influential people begin to get on the bandwagon it becomes socially accepted. Wrong!

With that being said, I know/have associates who are homosexuals and love them the way that Christ loves me. I will call them my brother or sister and do whatever I can to help them, but will not compromise where I morally stand to appease them and diminish my opinion on their behavior. I think we are heading in the wrong direction when we cannot tell the difference between something that we have control over and something that we have no control over… or in other words… apples and oranges. I think we are in trouble when our political agenda supersedes right and wrong.

Test Drive?

Imagine going to a car lot for your dream car. Now know that this car is going to be the last car you buy for the rest of your life. No swapping, no change out, this is it...

You've already done all of your research, checked consumer reports, checked the car buying guide, now you're actually going to the lot for the up close and personal view. You're so excited as you leave your house... you get to the lot and see the car. It's your favorite color with all of the accessories that you want, the tires and rims are blingin' and it just seems to have a command presence in the car lot.

So you walk up to the car and peek into the window and the controls are modern with the italian leather... mmmmmmm... so you open the door and can smell the new car smell. You climb into the driver's seat and sink into the leather... whew, this was everything that you thought it was going to be. You look around knowing that this is going to be your last car purchase for the rest of your life...

Wow, the final step... the test drive. All of your senses have been tickled and now you want to go for the ultimate thrill, the all-important test drive... so you reach for the key and it's not there. You go back to the sales person and say you want to go for a test drive, but the salesperson said that the keys are locked in the vault and you are not permitted to drive the car until you sign on the dotted line of the contract... So you're thinking, "you want me to buy this car and not take it for a spin?" What if I doni't like the acceleration? What if the cornering isn't what I read in my research? What if... what if... what if???

I think back to the stories of when my mom and dad were courting and their dates and chapperoned outtings and how "lines" were not crossed until they were married. No test drives, no getting milk from a cow that wasn't yours, no "hanky panky" until after the nuptuals... but my how society changes ones perspective. As we are bombarded with media that tells us, it's okay to try before you buy, and coming up with every excuse in the world to convince you that it is necessary... what if you're not compatible? what if they can't throw down between the sheets? what if it's too big, too small, too tight, too wide, too dry, too wet... geeze... if "if" were a 5th we'd all be drunk!

Where do we get off thinking that it is necessary to have to sex 'em before we wed 'em? What is the real priority in the relationship? Now granted, sex is an important aspect in the marriage, so I am not diminishing that fact, but what ever happened to true courting? What happened to getting to know someone based on their values and personality and communication skills? When did we make this shift where if they aren't getting down, then they aren't even on the radar?

I have one word... desparation

As the availability of men declines, there appears to be is a decline in morality. More than ever before, people are "doing what it takes" to get and keep their partners. Wait?!?!?!? Doing what it takes?

"Well he said he was going to leave if he didn't get 'some.'"
"I've got to do what it takes to keep my man!"
"What? You've been out 5 times and haven't slept with him/her yet?"
"Bro, I'm hittin' that tonight..."

All I can really do is shake my head. Because of our lack of self control, we succomb to our body's desires? What every happened to "good things come to those who wait?" Ohhhhh, you've been single for too long and you don't want to miss your chance? So you're doing what it takes... what a bad idea! And the fact that you impose those demands on your partner... that can be a challenge.

Look, the bottom line is that sex should not be a pre-requisite for a wedding ring. There should not be pressure on a person to have to be tested in the bedroom prior to commiting to a lifetime together. Well... maybe a stamina test for the honeymoon (smiling)... Again, I'm certainly not diminishing the importance of sex in a marriage... after you get married, communicate and come to an understanding about likes, dislikes, whips, chains, ceiling fans, swings - (burn the flannel - hahahaha). I am suggesting that until you get to the covent part of your relationship... wait! No one should ever marry because the sex is good! And if you do, that is a separate conversation. But begin your relationship by practicing restraint and setting up parameters. Yes, this can be hard after you've waken up some areas of your body that seem to not have an "off" switch, but your reward will be far greater by following the commands given to us by the Father.

For those of you who have crossed lines and feel - "What now?" Have a conversation with your partner and discuss where you are and where you desire to be... put in some parameters to help you meet those goals and start your new path. Remember in the great words of Smokey Bear... "Only you can prevent forest fires." ~SM~

Getting Started

Hello World... My name is Stephen and I start my blog tomorrow. I've always wanted to blog, but just never got to it... so here goes. First a little about me... I'm 35, single, no children (but great nieces and nephews) live in Tucson, Arizona. I graduated from Clark Atlanta University with a degree in Music Performance. I'm sure over the course of this journey I'll share more about my life, family and other things that contribute to my opinions. I have a lot to say and hopefully day by day I'll get a lot of it said.

I am very involved in my local church and I'll share more on that later. I am a Kingdom Citizen and I strive daily to live my life in a way that exemplifies my beliefs.

I chose the title "No Grey Area" because fundamentally I believe that things are either right or wrong... black and white... hence the color of my blog... but due to our life experiences, environmental influences, family upbringing... it shades our perspectives. So my goal is to give a balanced perspective.

Please feel free to comment on my blogs and give feed back. Although very opinionated, I do like healthy discussion and debate... In general I usually put out a question on Facebook and my friends comment on it and I usually do too, but I think this will give me the platform to expound on my thoughts in a non-restrictive way... so tomorrow starts day one.